Bees

Bees

Postby Gunther on Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:34 pm

I am visiting my family in Florida for the holidays. I was chillin at my sister's house when we looked out back and noticed a swarm of honeybees congregating on their swingset. There are a lot of kids around, including my sister's 3 kids. They were inside at the time, fortunately.

Fuckin Bees!
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A few minutes later they had calmed down. We were guessing they were disturbed from their hive and decided to come here, or something.
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This is where the bees were coming from. A hole in the house behind my sister's place. We told the landlady about it and she didn't seem to care or want to be bothered that she was renting a house to people that had fucking BEEES living inside it.
The neighbor called a bee removal company and they said they wouldn't come out unless we paid a hefty fee, but he did recommend waiting until dark and go buy some stuff from Home Depot and squirt them with it and that should kill them off.
Well that plan was OK except for 2 things. 1 was that my sister's husband is crazy. The 2nd thing is we didn't want to wait that long nor spend any money.
So we did the next best thing. Started fucking with the bees.
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My bro in law chucks a tennis ball at the clump of bees, that was the size of a basketball. He knocked off a fist sized clump of bees, which eventually just flew back up into the main clump.
That was pretty boring, so we decide to try something a little bigger....
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Yeah, a 40lb trailer hitch for a Dodge Caravan.
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INCOMING!
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CLANG! We have bees in freefall! Did I mention he is severely allergic to bees?
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RUN FORREST!
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Pile O Bees
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The bees dust themselves off, and resume taking over the swingset. Every single one pretty much flew back up into a ball of bee death.
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At this point it was clear these little assholes weren't getting the message. Their arrival in my sister's property was an act of agression, and we weren't going to stand for it. So it was time for some redneck engineering:

Bee incinerator contraption:
- 30 feet of rope
- 1 large fire pit
- 1 science project board
- miscellaneous rags and a bedsheet
- gas
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Fill 'er up! Slide the incinerator under the bees and....
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IGNITION!
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OH THE BEEMANITY
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CARNAGE!
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Amazingly some bees still survived the first wave. What should we do next?
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The next ingredient is 1.5 quarts of PAINT THINNER
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OH YES!!!!
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12/23 NEVER FORGET
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THERE WERE STILL MORE BEES ON THE SWINGSET. CALL IN REINFORCEMENTS. 2 QUARTS OF 87 OCTANE GASOLINE REPORTING FOR DUTY SIR!
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OH DEAR LORD ITS SO BEAUTIFUL. I AM SO PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN RIGHT NOW.
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Tonight we are having Roast Bee
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The Aftermath.
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Number of allied casualties (er, stings): 0
Number of bees killed: est. 10,000
Number of bee survivors: about 25 or so
FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
Gunther
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Re: Bees

Postby groktar on Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:40 pm

Your family is insane.
Tinfoil hats: keep the government out and your manly lust in
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Re: Bees

Postby Jelani on Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:22 pm

srsly wtf. blow up the lawn while ur tryin.
In short, I feel the Blizzard of 2009 is tantamount to the Bush administration. - Nisstyr
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Re: Bees

Postby Kortana on Fri Nov 07, 2008 5:56 pm

I thought it was great, little bastards.
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Re: Bees

Postby Verdig on Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:23 pm

this was truly a blast to read

awsome post gunther
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Re: Bees

Postby Hells on Fri Nov 07, 2008 6:34 pm

10/10
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Re: Bees

Postby mandroth on Fri Nov 07, 2008 7:16 pm

That's not Gunther's family, btw. Although I could totally picture you and Kaiden doing this, hahaha.
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Re: Bees

Postby Gamji on Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:17 pm

So you are the reason bee's are disappearing!
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Re: Bees

Postby glorfindel on Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:30 pm

Very entertaining to read
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Re: Bees

Postby Gunther on Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:29 am

LOL! I believe I have been Groktar'd. This was not my post.
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Re: Bees

Postby Merlins on Sat Nov 08, 2008 2:42 pm

Awesome great post, it's always good to have some fun
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Re: Bees

Postby Neebler on Sun Nov 09, 2008 9:17 am

old. you people don't get around on the internet much eh

also... wtf at making this a news story with like 20 pictures on the main page
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Re: Bees

Postby groktar on Sun Nov 09, 2008 10:18 am

hush you
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Re: Bees

Postby Imperial on Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:54 am

So, I was bored and decided to check out how the old E-Family was doin' and found this. Amazing, I love you.
I am better than you.
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Re: Bees

Postby mandroth on Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:02 am

You're playing again on Thursday, right? First to level 70 AND 80, GOGOOGGO!
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